Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
