dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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