some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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