I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
