Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
