I CAN MOONWALK!
love makes seman taste better
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
