Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
