it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
