I'm going to jail i love you
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
