The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
