part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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