Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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