Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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