It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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