"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
