Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
