Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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