I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Houston, we have a blender
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
