I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
