Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
