The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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