Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
