My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
