I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just saw a hot homeless man
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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