I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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