ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
