oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
