State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
