Will you blow on my dice?
she was so not down for the gang bang
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
