I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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