i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
