I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Quick, to the slutcave!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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