she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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