I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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