I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
