guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
