well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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