And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
