I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
