come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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