Moan for me like Helen Keller
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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