I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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