these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
