sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i think my cat just said my name.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
