she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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