i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Even my vagina gasped.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
