Pregnant stripper...not hot.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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