Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
