Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
