I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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