Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
