living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
