I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
