Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So vagazzling was a success
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
