if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
