Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
