I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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