Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
