he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
