conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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