get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
