i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
