ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
