On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
