I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
