Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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