nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
