she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
