i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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