some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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