Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
